Chinese President calls for internet clampdown

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CHINESE PRESIDENT Hu Jintao announced on State television Monday that it was time to clean up the interweb.

Seems that the web is not only cause of youthful addiction to games, but also can cause people to think in non-socialist and non-communist ways. Clearly bad all around. According to Reuters, President Hu said, "Internet cultural units must conscientiously take on the responsibility of encouraging development of a system of core socialist values."

And of course another matter of great concern is that Chinese children are becoming fat. This increasing trend toward childhood obesity is largely blamed on technology such as television and the interweb. Just like in the West, the leadership here certainly would not dream of holding parents accountable for raising their children.

Forbes estimates there are now more interweb users in China than the US, and it is fairly plain to see what can happen when so many people have uncontrolled access to the net. Just take a look at the US, where they had relatively free access to the interweb for many years. Fat children everywhere, and a government gone mad.

This whole idea of free exchange of information throughout the world needs to be stopped. It could lead to shared understanding and lasting peace in the world. Great Scott! What next, an end to global warming?

We need this new Chinese voice of law and order to help keep people in their places. So who you gonna call? Hu, that's who.